Why Killer Klowns Should Never Get A Remake

Alrighty horror fans, here comes another delicious hot take for you right off the press of evil here at Mutilated Mohawk Media. Killer Klowns From Outer Space, an absolute classic in the horror community. Although it doesn’t have the most inspiring story, and it’s cheesier than ever; the film is absolutely loved by the masses. However, in the Hollywood fashion of killing franchises by milking the ever loving shit out of them, Mutilated Mohawk has decided to take a stand. With a game being announced (which we are actually super excited for) it could bring even more attraction to the franchise, which would then bring the rats that are Hollywood producers over to the franchise. So in the off chance that some Hollywood executive randomly stumbles upon this article, please pay attention. This could save you from delegitimizing yourself even more.

Firstly, the most crucial thing you have to understand is that this movie is a classic for a few notable reasons. The first one is the love for the practical effects used in this movie. I think that the aesthetic of clunky space clown masks waltzing through a small town was just done so perfectly. Pretty much all of the effects in this movie are done practically, something that a remake would no doubt not participate in.

If Hollywood would do a remake they would almost definitely try and overproduce it. The last example of Hollywood and dancing clowns was the most recent rendition of IT and that wasn’t impressive at all. The dancing scene was god awful. I already know that a remake of Killer Klowns would mean digitized Klown faces, and an over the top finely produced spaceship that looks like a perfect sci-fi carnival. That isn’t Killer Klowns. The movie is goofy, low budget, and just a fun watch. The clunky practical effects add to this experience. When Officer Mooney cuffs the Klown and its hands fall off like rubber gloves it’s just goofy. It’s a low budget gag effect that just adds so much to the film. The whole movie is laced with these cheap, easy to see through, effects that give it a certain charm.

Let’s just say that hypothetically, Hollywood understands that practical effects were a key component to this film. I still wouldn’t trust them with a Killer Klowns remake, sequel, or prequel. This film is 100% a standalone film. It doesn’t need anything attached to it. The story is complete. We don’t need to know where the Klowns come from, if there are more, or what they would do in a modern day arena. There isn’t a single story that Hollywood would produce on this franchise that would do it justice.

Oversaturation of content that wasn’t that deep to begin with never works. Killer Klowns, and many other horror flicks that have been added too, remade, or have been given origin stories are not deep enough to have this built out universe to them. There are a few exceptions to this rule, like there are to every rule I discuss here, however single movie franchises from days of yore just aren’t deep enough to get more movies that would be good. While they could add in tons of blood, violence, and cotton candy cocoons; I don’t think we’d get that same thrill of ‘holy shit this is genuinely something wild’ as most people did the first time around.

We’ve seen what 2020’s Hollywood does to franchises. Just look at the most recent Scream movie (you can find our review of it linked here.) It was horrible. They took everything that was consistent and good with the franchise and nuked it. They also announced a new Scream movie and it’s not even going to have Neve Campbell in it. Need another example? Look at the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie that Netflix released. Sure, there were some cool kills, but the story was so bad they had to rip pieces from Halloween 2018 just to make it an actual movie.

While there is a chance that Hollywood would produce this movie with the utmost regards for the fans, I don’t trust them with it. I’ll be the first to admit, I love the Killer Klowns franchise. In an idealist world I’d love to have more Killer Klowns content. However, the world we live in means that it would not be this really cool sequel to the original. It would be a box cutter horror film filled with studio gimmicks and a few references to the original just so they could pretend that they gave half a shred of care about the fanbase.

I know, I know, this sounds all down in the dumps and pessimistic. However, it’s not all bad. While I don’t want them to keep touching old franchises, what I do want to happen is for new movies to be made. Killer Klowns is a complete story and has a special place in every horror fan’s heart. Don’t mess with this. Just make new stories of crazy clowns that shred people to pieces. Throw in some gore and gimmicks and produce it on a multi-million dollar budget. Don’t ruin other peoples stories to make a quick buck, just write new ones. I firmly believe that there are very talented writers and directors out there that could make amazing horror movies if given the proper focus and budget.

At the end of the day I do genuinely feel that when Hollywood brings back an old title it usually just seems like a quick grab for cash. There are a few exceptions to this rule. Most of the time, however, this is the rule of thumb. Oh this series about monsters that ended thirty years ago is getting a reboot? Guess someone wanted to milk the fanbase even more.

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